Thursday, October 13, 2016

So Many Chariots

ALLRIGHT Ladies and Gentlemen it's the TOTALLY ACCURATE BATTLE SIMULATOR brought to you by "Baron Von Let's Play", who sounds like a younger, perkier Homer Simpson, featuring floppy Poser People engaged in cartoon violence. J watches this occasionally, so I hear it, rather than see it, and the narration is the best part. Of course the fact that the Totally Accurate Battle Simulator is anything but, helps make it funny, and the simulations include options for Chicken Men (who seem to poop chickens, which fly up and attack people, and the Chicken Man Man, who drops Chicken Men in a sort of meta chicken nightmare. ) The simulator only lets you set up the troops, using a set number of coins to "hire" men and weapons, and then once you have arranged them you have to just let the simulation take it's goofy, gory course. It is, alas, accurate in that if you place archers or musketmen behind a front line-- you will lose most of your forward troops to friendly fire. I have to say chariots are my favorite thing in it--they are agents of chaos, and pieces fly off. In this simulation the Baron just piles up as many chariots as he can fit on the battlefied, and lets it go. You probably don't have to watch it after the first two minutes, but I laughed very hard in those two minutes. Also if you watch a lot of episodes you become quite fond of the Baron, whose happy, wacky narration makes a pretty feeble game fun.

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