Item Significantly Not As Described

I regularily read the local police blotter, mostly because we live in a diverse, densely populated suburban area that seems remarkably free of serious crime, so we get reports of Police Chase Bicyclist, Snowmen Vandalized, Man Arrested for Drunk and Disorderly Outside Shannon's Bar, and Lawnmower Stolen off 59th street. But it seems every 6 months or so the local Kohls get hit with Young Persons in their 20s Shoplifting x items, including a vaccuum cleaner, which neither J or I could quite wrap our heads around. How do you stuff a vacuum cleaner into your pants? I also think of Kohl's as being that sleepy, pleasant midrange store somewhere above a Kmart in smartness and slightly less tony than J.C. Penneys, with unexciting work clothes, some amusing household items, and a few really cute boots. It's not somewhere I would ever really shop, much less consider shoplifting from.

So... I needed some sheets and some pillows that were not cat-infested for my sister, and since I knew she lives near a Kohl's I thought I would go there and check it out and buy her a gift certificate at the same time--maybe they had some new buyers or being located in a different area meant that they carried cuter, trendier stuff. So I go in the store and yes, there is a lot more stuff than I remembered from the New Jersey store, and it is cuter. So I pick up my pillows and find a flannel sheet set on 50% sale:

A bit pricey, but good flannel sheets are pricey, and as I have my glasses pushed up on my head, I quiz a total stranger who happens to be wearing an identical jacket to J"s "where'd you get that?" The man in question had come around the corner holding a completely unfamiliar striped bag from somewhere else, and I just assumed a middle-aged guy in Bedding must be related to me, but no. He look incredibly flustered and scampered off while I was apologizing. I find the real J, we check out, and I open up the sheets package so I can run them through the washer and get out the sizing. I take out the top sheet, okay, but some what lower quality than I expected, pull out some cardboard, and in the center, making up the bulk of the package, was a jersey flat sheet thing, purple, about the weight of the cheap T shirts you can buy at Kmart.

It was pressed in and folded around the cardboard, so this was a factory packaging thing. No fitted lower sheet, and no pillowcases. I'd say inspector 1404 has some 'splaining to do.

I did not return it on Thanksgiving, that just seemed cruel, and I was busy. So I returned it today, yes, Black Friday, so the exchange went like this--I go up to the counter to return it (the line is long) I hold out my bag with the original packaging and explain my tale of woe. The clerk spots the receipt, looks relieved, runs it through the register, assured me that my card will be refunded, and then heaves the packaging with the lot number, bar code and inspection sticker into the trash, and says "Next!"

So if you shop at Kohl's, and want flannel sheets, have the clerk open and check the package of sheets before you walk out with it. Here's the UPC:

I've decided that the Kohl's near me must have been built over a singularity of weirdness. They do have cute boots, though.